Welcome to the madness.
Friend (to me): I’m considering re-buying all of them hard copy and not opening them till I have kids and be like, “Here is my childhood son/daughter.”
Friend (turning into Dad): You will relive my childhood and you will praise Dumbledore, love Harry, hate Snape, shake your head at Ron, be annoyed by Hermione, and enjoy Fred and George’s wit.Or there will be SPANKINGS!
Child: Dad, books are boring.
Dad: YOU’RE boring. Now READ DAMN IT, READ!
Child: Dad, my eyes hurt.
Dad: HARRY LOST HIS PARENTS AND YOUR CRYING CUZ YOUR EYES HURT.
Dad: YOU SHOULD BE IN HUFFLEPUFF
Dad: YOU PROBABLY COULDN’T EVEN USE THE DISARMING SPELL SINCE YOU’RE SO USELESS
Dad: NEVILLE WAS MORE TALENTED THAN YOU IN HIS FIRST YEAR THAN YOU ARE IN YOUR SEVENTH.
Child: I want to read Twilight
Friend (as newscaster): A murder occurred in the small town of…
Then this happened:
Dad: YOU ARE NOT A WIZARD SON YOUR A WIZNERD
Child: Dad, stop.
Dad: VOLDEMORT NEVER STOPPED HOW ELSE WOULD HAVE HARRY GAINED STRENGTH IF NOT FOR VOLDEMORT’S INSISTENCE.
Dad: YOU COULD BE STANDING ON THE WORD “BRAVERY” AND STILL COULDN’T PRODUCE GODRIC GRYFFINDORS WORD.
Dad: I’M SO GLAD WE ARE A MUGGLE FAMILY BECAUSE I’D BE EVEN MORE DISSAPOINTED IN YOU IF WE WERE WIZARDS.
Dad: (whispers) I hate you…
Dad: IF YOU WENT TO HOGWARTS YOU’D WORK FOR FILCH
Friend: My poor kids.
Me: Just not Filch! Don’t do that to them!
Friend: It’s either that or i=I don’t send him to Hogwarts and just send him to private tutoring with Umbridge.
So… I don’t know much about 1d. Like I know their names sort of but not what names goes to what face. Except Harry. That motherfucker is adorable.
But I just had a dream where I banged one of them? Like… My mom and I had made friends with them somehow and they were in town? So my mom and harry were just chilling in some lounge at somebody’s house and I came and sat down to hang. And then the blonde one came in and was like all about me… But like, we knew each other. And harry and my mom were making jokes about the sexual tension. So then me and the blonde one started kissing, like at first as a joke then it got all hot and heavy and everyone was like “Jesus get a room”. And then everyone disappeared and we banged on that couch.
But by the end the blonde one had kinda morphed into Bradley James.
And then there was this whole apocaplypic sub story with this crazy ass lightening storm that made shit erupt and go crazy in ny little town and it fucked up the weather so it snowed all over SLO. And people were taking trains to escape the town…. It was nuts.